956

Lately.

11:08 PM

Lately my life has felt like a whirlwind of work, school, studying, and probably making more time for Netflix than I should. I literally haven't had a day off and at times I feel almost like I'm about to fall down and not be able to go on. I feel VERY sleep deprived, and exhausted, but keep telling myself being weak gets you no where, hard work all the way! 
I recently got Netflix, and it was probably the worst decision for me, because I can keep off it, and I'm finding myself watching any chance I get of 'The Office' ...too addicting!
Besides school and too much Netflix, it was my managers birthday this past weekend and we all went out to dinner, then went out after, had fun.
Also, today was National Coffee Day, as an ex-barista, I became immune to coffee, but now not being around it 24/7 makes me appreciate it a little more.
I'm going out of town this weekend up to Austin to catch some ACL after shows, should be fun, will probably catch up with friends up there, and get a few drinks, should be fun.
Elias and I are doing fantastic, he recently got a new job, which is wonderful for him, but it also causes me to see him way less, which is a little heart-breaking, but the days we do get to see each other, it makes it more worth it.
All is well.
xx

956

On Death.

11:06 PM

After you lose someone close to you, your mindset isn't ever quite the same. You don't feel as happy as you once were, or you feel a little deprived of something, although you don't know exactly what, something seems to be missing. Obviously, what's missing is what's gone, but you never realized how important that missing piece was in your life when you had it.
It's still hard to think that my brother is actually gone, like gone, not here anymore, I won't ever see him again. It's hard to grasp that, it's hard to imagine his life has stopped, it almost feels unfair to keep going when he didn't get to experience so much. You feel selfish for being able to keep living and experience all their is to experience in life, while your loved one can't. Although I'm sure Heaven is much better than this Earth, it's hard to know when you're down here, and he's up there, with no communication whatsoever. 
Sometimes I feel hatred towards others, their lives seem to be so fulfilled and enjoyed, while tragedy struck my family, it feels unfair and makes you question "why?". Although I know death happens a million times a day, and many people go through this, it's new to me, and I'm sure other people feel exactly as I do. 
Everyday, the morning of March 7, 2014 replays in my head at some point throughout the day. I can still remember everything, every little detail, every moment, every feeling, every word spoken. Most of the time I start to feel conflicted right after and want to just drop what I'm doing and go back home and lay on my bed, I guess that's where I feel the safest, but I have to brush off my memory, and make myself strong, to keep going throughout the day. That's something I've learned about life: you have to be strong in every possible aspect. You have to be strong mentally, physically, and emotionally, that's what gets you through life, in my opinion. You just have to keep going.
My life will probably not ever be normal again, I look at things differently now, and see life as a delicate thing, it can be taken away far too easily. I feel I've become stronger, and my problems seem so small and simple compared to what I've gone through...nothing can ever compare to the death of a sibling, especially a young one. Think about it, nothing, not your sleepless night of studying, or your exam that is 100 questions long, not your boyfriend braking up with you, or how ___ is so hard. Nothing is harder than losing someone or something that has so much meaning to your life, and it's sad, because no one can realized this until they go through it.
Everyone mourns differently, some people take only days, others, months, some years, while others never get over it, it relentlessly lives with them for their lives. Some people need to talk about it, while others wish to never see a photo again or speak the name of the missing loved one again. I feel it still haunts me, sometime I feel I have no one to talk about this topic with because it's been half a year now, and although I mask it quite well and don't show my emotions, it eats at me everyday piece by piece, and sometimes I feel so helpless. I feel the need to want to talk about it again with someone, but I also feel I'd burden them with this sad story. 
Although I hate having to be one to have been chosen to go through the death of a young loved one, I also feel blessed, not everyone goes through this around you of losing a young sibling. I would love to help people if they have to ever go through this unfortunate event, give them help, advice, and comfort. I'm here if you need me, and I can fill in gaps I wish would've helped me or use ways that did help me. Don't take nothing for granted.
xx


956

Square.

4:21 PM

Wednesday's are always my "rest" days, I don't have class until 5:45pm, and no work, so I'm able to sleep in, go for a run, get ready at my own leisure, go to Starbucks, get a drink and catch up on reading for my classes. . . so it's rather one of my favorite days, as I continue to form a schedule. Today I kept it simple and re-wore this shirt, but a different way, it's always fun to take something you already wore, and dress it differently. Also, an all black ensemble? You can't ever go wrong!
xx

956

Bright Top.

11:13 AM

So yesterday at work new shipment arrived and of course I have to scope it out! I saw this top and immediately loved it, the cut, the design, so I bought it but then had doubts and saw "granny-vibes" going on. I still took it and thought well I should give it a try, right? When I put it on, I loved the comfort of it, and ended up liking it after all! It's unique, vibrant, and a fun top to wear. It's the start of my week, and it feels like I'm off to the right start. Have a good one guys!
xx

956

Floral

8:19 PM

I love when outfits are fun and comfortable. I love this style of skort so much, it's the comfiness of shorts, but the elegance of a skirt. I wore a light weight sweater today, because it may be fall now, but the temperature's are still not quite ready for full on sweater weather.. it's a transition though!
xx

956

11:11 PM

Now that school is back in session, and things are settling down, we have an idea of how our classes are going to be, what we will be needing, and stuff we like having with us while in class. Above are some of my favorites during the school year, things that keep me organized, ahead of the game, and awake for my classes! 
1.) A Planner: I'm a very visual person, so if I hear something is due on so and so date, I NEED to write it or it'll literally slip my mind the next day! Also having a planner helps me feel organized, and on top of things, leading me to good grades.
2.) Seeing is believing: aka some specs! I normally wear contacts a great amount of time but giving my eyes a break and wearing my glasses is great too, not only is it a fashion accessory, but you can see the board clearly!
3.) A tote bag: I'm not a backpack person, I don't like the bulkiness of it, or the way it's strapped on my back, because here in the 956, you sweat, so a backpack sweat stain isn't something I want to be sporting. Aside from that, there are so many cute totes, and they are totally versatile, I just ordered this one above from Ban.do!
4.) Coffee Tumbler: Coffee is a college students best friend ... literally. So what better way to lug your coffee around than in a cute tumbler! So many to choose from but the one above is one I got from Ban.do as well. 
5.) Colored Pens: to each his own right, but to me colored pens are an absolute essential in my classes, I color coordinate each day of notes in a different color, it keeps my mind organized and knowing what day we did what. Without colored pens or highlighters everything looks like a big boring blur.
6.) A Watch: Every girl needs a cute or good watch, as a perfect accessory and so you won't be late also! A cute way to be punctual and fashionable.

These are just a couple of my favorites, and there are tons of varieties of my favorites in different brands and styles, pick your own and rock this semester. Good luck everyone!
xx

956

Blurry Lately

3:18 PM

I don't know if it's cause I've been sick for the past week, but life lately feels a little hazy. I feel I'm falling into a moment of weakness and am "burning out" as some say. I went straight from Spring semester straight to summer both I and II, because I want to graduate on "time". . . but as fall semester starts I feel tired and almost "unable to go on". I'm more than positive it's because I'm currently sheltering a cold that is literally the most annoying one ever (it feels like). My head hurts, so much coughing, lost my voice, mucus, and weakness. I've pushed through the end of last week at school + the weekend at work, but I really think I should've given myself a day off because I think today my body said NO MORE. I went to class still, because I get nervous when I miss, but I had to step out due to coughing (up my lungs), and then almost throwing up, so I told my friend I was going to have to go, luckily she would let me know if I missed anything the last 20 mins. At that point I decided, today would be my day to stay home and REST all day! If I keep pushing myself through the day, I won't get any better. It's amazing how our bodies can tell us things, and after a while, we must listen. Aside from being sick and my thoughts feeling crumble-y, I got an acceptance letter for a research I did last semester to go present it in Honolulu, Hawaii, now I know that sounds like a mindless, "uh YES!" decision, but I'm like what about the research I need to finish?! Also my teacher who was helping me moved to Houston, I know e-mailing her my work back and forth can make her feel as if she is right by my side, but the thought of doing it alone scares me a bit.. and makes me unsure of the whole thing. Everything is still in my thought process ...also because it's a bit price-y and travel + lodging isn't included. I guess just the feeling of a new semester and not knowing what's in store + this decision + being sick + missing class = has me feeling a little stressed and probably feeling more sick. Trying to rest up though and have a peaceful mind, that way I can feel better and hit everything with full force.. I know once I feel better, my thought process becomes a little more positive...till then >_<

xx